NEW ORLEANS — Sure, we could look at inexact reasons to predict the Final Four. Kentucky's offense or Louisville's defense. Ohio State's scorers or Kansas' shot blockers.
But why do that when the original tarot card reader of Jackson Square has an open chair?
“If it's not accurate, it's free,” Dino Adams is saying, asking only if he can take another bite of his cheeseburger before divulging how the weekend is going to go. “I've been on the square for 52 years. I haven't been wrong for 30.”
He relates how his gypsy mother had given birth to 21 kids, and two of his brothers, Louis and Vinny, had their ashes scattered around the square. He started reading cards at 10 and turned 62 Friday.
Excited about this weekend?
“I hate basketball.”
Who would be more objective to ask about the Final Four?
Ohio State vs. Kansas? “One team has a player playing with an injury now, right?”
Yes, Ohio State's Aaron Craft has been struggling with an ankle.
“That injury is going to give in the game. It's going to look like they're winning, and they're not. Kansas takes it. Real close.”
Kentucky-Louisville? “This is just a squash game. An outright squash. Kentucky's trying to make a point. When they hit Louisville, it's going to be like an atom bomb going off in an outhouse.
“The coach from Louisville is going to get himself in trouble. I'll be amazed if he doesn't get ejected from the game. He's really going to snap.”
The National Weather Service has issued a severe thunderstorm alert for Rick Pitino.
Now, the championship game.
“Kentucky's got it. Big margin, too. I haven't been wrong in 30 years.”
Not to show the slightest doubt in Dino's claims, but let's get a second opinion on the tarot strip of Jackson Square. The card for Katie (Mambo) Heflin reads, “Online with the divine since 1969.”
She instructs to pick five cards, left-handed, and she'll look first at Kansas-Ohio State. “I don't know what this means, but I see a very strong man and woman, from the King of Pentacles.”
Who would deny the King of Pentacles during March Madness?
Maybe it's a player's mother. Anyway, who wins? Ohio State? Out comes the crystal pendulum swinging over the cards.
“I'm getting a strong yes.”
We have a difference of opinion among the tarot card readers on Jackson Square. This is starting to sound like a talk show.
Now Kentucky and Louisville. More cards chosen. “I see a very strong-willed man. The patriarch. The emperor. And I see his family.”
Kentucky? Kentucky. So how goes it for Emperor Calipari?
“Kentucky is not going to lose. Too much will and heart.”
Kentucky vs. Ohio State. Crunch time at the tarot table. “I'll tell you this, in this game the lesson is to love the game and not to hold on to the outcome,” Katie says. “If you hold on too tight, you're going to get killed.”
She holds up the death card. Bad news. And the Page of Cups card. More trouble for someone. Sounds like Kentucky, feeling the pressure of expectations.
“This is squeezing the life out of it, the stress of it. It's saying if you don't play with the heart, if you play with the greedy perspective, you're going to lose. You're going to die like a dog.”
Will Kentucky avoid such a fate?
Katie gazes at the pendulum swinging over the cards.
“No.” No? Las Vegas shudders, not to mention Lexington.
“I'm sorry. I'd love to give you the other answer, but I trust what this says. I truly do.”
So Dino's cards say Kentucky over Kansas, and Wanda's cards say Ohio State over Kentucky. I say thanks, and leave convinced of one thing. Jackson Square is no place for Louisville fans.
Mike Lopresti is a columnist for Gannett News Services.
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